After a Dutch comedy show’s video went viral recently, introducing Donald Trump to the “best language in Europe” and a “fantastic” pony park, the Austrians have taken their own stab at explaining their country to the American leader.
In a video uploaded to YouTube on Tuesday evening, a Trump impersonator narrates the video in the president’s “own language”. The comedic “introduction”, supposedly from the government of Austria, tells Trump that Austria is the biggest country in Europe – and that anyone who calls Austria small is subscribing to “fake news”.
It tells him that Austria “invented the Muslim ban” – reminding Trump that in 1683 in the Battle of Vienna the Austrians “kicked the Ottoman Turks out”. The narrator goes on to say that not only was Austria responsible for WWI, it also started WWII.
The video goes on to make fun of some of Austria’s more unusual and inadvertently humorous village names – including Fucking, Stocking, Assling, and Hard.
Trump once famously said that if Ivanka wasn’t his daughter, he’d be dating her. Dating your daughter is quite common in Austria, the narrator quips, referring to the notorious and horrific case of Josef Fritzl, who held his daughter captive in his basement for 24 years. Family values are held in high esteem in Austria, the narrator continues, and some families are so big in Austria that they have to build special cellars for their children (referencing the kidnapping of Natascha Kampusch who was held captive in a cellar for more than eight years).
Austria has the most beautiful women ever, the video boasts, zooming in on Eurovision Song Contest winner and drag queen Conchita Wurst, and daring Trump to grab her “by the pussy” and “tell us how it feels”.
And Austria invented right-wing populism, the narrator points out – showing images of Adolf Hitler and Jörg Haider (the former leader of the Austrian Freedom Party); “they are the right-est, great guys”.
The satirical video goes on to take a pop at Austrian Foreign Minister Sebastian Kurz (30), “we also have the youngest, brightest, and coolest foreign minister in the world… he’s about the age of your son Barron, they could become best friends – he’s a genius, no pubic hair, and already a minister.”